A Ship to cross the Sea of Suffering

"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda

The public arena

So I found myself, typing away this morning – focussed on a blog post that tackled a justification for airing my dirty laundry/Relationship woes in my last post.  But it disappeared. And I take that as a firm sign, to just let my worries go. OR as an underlying tone here – I should just get better at pressing the save button more frequently.

Why is it that even in MY own space and place here on the internet, I am dominated by thoughts of worry regarding what people think of me, based on what I share. Why am I not strong enough to just LIVE my words, and thoughts regardless of how challenging they are.

I guess I don’t want to come across as a shallow person, or as a bad person for taking a dig at my current partner.

I am so human.

One human that truly needs to let all of these ruminating thoughts out onto the page, so to feel slightly sane. Released of all that traps me. At least with a page I can feel relief in letting my thoughts out, and not feel guilty for overloading another human being face to face.

Only very few people in my ‘actual’ life have access to this blog. But those people I trust dearly. Knowing full well, that they know the depth of my heart and care for those I adore.

Even then I still am faced with my own self-loathing, and internal doubt through sharing my deepest and darkest, High’s and Lows.  Is this a product of a controlling and recklessly shaped society?

Is it really that bad to share your problems? Or thoughts arising. Why is it that our society is so adamant on pushing the issues WE all face under the carpet for another day? Scapegoating those who share their deepest darkest, because they challenge us to actually think about ourselves. What I experience, YOU experience. My pain is your pain, and your pain is mine. That’s the world I live in. There are NO borders or lines that separate you from me, unless you put them there. We are eternally interconnected whether or not you share that view. It’s a reality. Our interconnectedness is REAL. Our individualism is a constructed way of being…

It takes such great courage to write the things I think about, onto a page. Taking time to truly think about what it is I am sharing. Feeling the need to reach out to others who may be experiencing similar things. Hoping in this whirlwind of being, that some one else gets me too. Always hoping and realizing we are never truly alone in this world. Or alone in what we experience as humans. It’s just that we never talk about it.

We always sugar coat it.

We always share what we think others want to hear. But not me.

I share what is in my heart for the day. In hope that my heart and your heart may end up sharing the same page one day.


Stay tuned today, Blog challenge Day#8 Arrives in your reader later today!

And some exciting news on the Buddhist front, which warrant’s it’s OWN post heading out soon.



2 comments on “The public arena

  1. Cathie
    June 6, 2013

    I agree that those that know you know the depth of your love and respect…those that don’t…don’t.

    I don’t always comment but I always read and ponder on your words…keep them coming in whatever way you are called to share.

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