"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda
Well I haven’t had much time to just sit and write lately. Today I find myself in a strange predicament. And not one I really feel like talking about a lot. But no one ever won over a tough situation by retreating!
We had an amazing Gosho Study meeting last night, all based around tackling obstacles and the correct attitude to winning against challenges. How timely, for later that evening I was really rocked by the possibility of more hurdles in my personal life. I don’t really want to expand. The most important thing Is that I try to win over this karmic life tendency to give up in the face of losing my pillars of personal support! To transform my perspective of my personal relationship into one of opportunity instead of fear and sadness. I need to be excited about new things, instead of resenting and resisting a change in the very fabric of my being.
It’s one of those days where everything in my mind just doesn’t make sense. I feel completely deflated, and depressed against the weight of tremendous change. But have to keep pressing forward. My mind flickers from wanting to cry, to curl up and hide under the bed-sheets! To realising that none of this actually helps or changes the situation i am in. I can only take action to make things better, and the only way to do that is with optimism and strength to chant it through. To gain clarity over what I want to achieve in life, and which path I am willing to walk down. I cannot be paralyzed with fear or depression. This is the Devilish functions getting the best of me! So I must return to prayer with firm conviction and faith that things will align, things will work out in favor for both parties. And on a mystic level we are heading towards the right direction for both of our lives.
Maybe it isn’t actually that bad! This feeling is temporary I know! But the pain of losing, or having to change something you’ve relied on for so long can really eat you up. If you let it I guess. I am human after all. I am certainly experiencing the lower states of life, but with absolute potential to move from Hell and Anger, to realisation and Buddhahood from moment to moment!
I will not be defeated by anything that happens. I will do my best to keep chanting to transform my relationship into something unimaginable, and of something that is the BEST for both of us.
I received the most amazing guidance and encouragement from a friend this morning, after I text her how I was feeling and why. I’ll leave you with that. And hope that when I get home tonight I can muster up all the strength I have in trying to change my state of life enough to see the positive in all of the current challenges!
“CONGRATULATIONS your chanting for the relationship is working! This is your crucial moment in the relationship to transform the most fundamental issues you both have been struggling and getting stuck with for so long. Meet this event with delight! (as Nichiren would say) as this signals the beginning of profound transformation for you both and there is absolutely no doubt because you have both been praying so deeply and forging ahead in your Buddhist practice so hard recently that you are both right now moving towards a relationship that will be better than you can ever imagine, and will allow you both to continue your respective missions with the most joy and fulfillment. Whatever that looks like. Decide your victory today and chant with deep gratitude and openness to the process from this moment on. Your prayer is already answered in the depths of your life. And there you will find all you need to take you forward.”
How amazing is that? And after last night’s gosho I know for certain that I have to muster all the strength in my soul as myoho renge kyo to greet this challenge with absolute delight, and joy! For she is right… this will certainly be a profound transformation on all levels and regardless of the suffering or pain that comes with it, I must be eternally grateful for the growth and life experience.
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