"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda
An emerging thought, or theme for today that I’ve been contemplating is the one of Self Love and acceptance.
I’ve been catching myself feeling quite down at times, and mostly when I think about it I trace it to my childhood. As a practitioner of Nichiren Buddhism I can use Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo to build a stronger foundation of life, I can use this amazing tool to transform my perspective of events from my past, and the present and use this heightened perspective to take positive action and turn anything negative into something of value and of learning.
Lately I’ve been struggling a bit with this. I am chanting but I know it is NOT enough!
I was at a new chanters meeting last night and one of the members was talking about our natural life tendencies. I viewed this as the patterns and habits we fall into when our life condition is not at it’s highest – the highest being the state of Buddhahood.
So what are my life tendencies? I automatically assume depression. Negativity, anger… feelings of hopelessness and lack of control of my life. These are things I tend to fall into when I strike hardship or tension in my life. One that I really don’t like to admit to anyone, is that at times my mind wanders to suicide. I find it so hard to admit that unfortunately there are days where I feel so down that I am persuaded by my own darkness to think the worst. Rest assured i would never do this… I’ve been there done that, and am still fighting strong. But isn’t it odd that my mind would skip to it time and time again? It’s as if memories and old coping mechanisms still invade my internal dialogue like the broken record you cannot change. This is called transforming my human revolution. Battling deep karmic bonds that have tied themselves around me for lifetimes.
But I really need to work on shifting all of these. I am GOING to transform my perspective of life, I am going to transform how I interact with others, and I am going to transform the relationship I have with myself.
So today I was thinking. I guess it is self love that I struggle with. Because If I truly valued myself, and loved my life no matter what has happened then I wouldn’t fall into old habits of negative thinking that can ruin my day and at times even ruin my partners day! Booooo
I am going to work on transforming anger, abuse, internal dialogue and anything else that contributes to how I accept and give love to myself. I have been on another 100 day challenge so I have plenty of time to challenge these aspects of myself! And i am feeling determined to truly overcome the most destructive of them.
I have practical goals for daily living that I think will contribute to my physical and mental health. And I have practical goals for transforming the mind set based on the old habits I want to kick.
I am going to start getting up earlier in the morning 7am! So I can fit in 30 minutes of chanting every day!
I am going to start exercising in my room, following the 10 minute trainers I’ve enjoyed in the past. I’ve decided to shift my bed out of my room, into the spare room for guests and pop a couch in there instead for more space. I am really excited about this one!
Last but not least I am going to try some positive affirmations, to challenge the internal dialogue that arrives in the morning. Here is an example I really liked – maybe you could try it too.
“I love you. You are wonderful, exactly as you are right now in this moment. You are a good and wonderful person. I know your beautiful heart. It is challenging for you right now because you are coming up against a growth area for you. Just remember how beautiful you are. You will get through this. Your evolution and growth are assured. I will help you learn how to love yourself.”
I will become my own best friend! That is the goal anyway.
Well yep, just wanted to share that!
There are many steps to take, but If I am to be the best human I can be! I need to honor myself.
Then I can keep giving to the friends, family and community around me more than I could have imagined!
Peace to you all, xx
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