A Ship to cross the Sea of Suffering

"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda

On the up.

Up and down, Swirl around the roller-coaster of life. It’s a life long journey, so don’t be caught in wishful thinking that these series will go away. There is no end, only constant change. Constant growth. Every day has an up, and a down and we must learn to embrace all that our days give us. Our days and physical lives are truly irreplaceable – It’s time to really understand this.

Your life – MY life is truly irreplaceable.

In a global society / Era where humans are really only measured in monetary worth, it is easy to loose focus on what to truly value in this lifetime.

The here and NOW is all that matters. For your past is something that will always be with you, It will not go away. It makes who you are, but is NOT all that you are. The now determines where we are going and how we will get there.

My partner the other night was showing me a great physical exercise concerning past, present and future to run in groups.

She got up, and stood in the middle of the room looking at me. She said “get up, and realise that you are the present.” she then told me to turn around so that I was facing the wall away from her. “Walk towards me” she said. So without looking I started walking backwards towards her voice… my eyes still focussed on the wall in front of me. “Good, now go back and start again, but this time… Look at me and walk towards me”.

I did so, walking with ease still trying to figure out what she was on about. “how was that?” she asked. Well…easy LOL but interesting to note that walking backwards isn’t as fun 😛

“Correct” she smirked. “If you are the present, then consider me/my voice as the future”. “when you had your back turned to me, you seemed to struggle more, than when facing me directly”. Stumbling over things you couldn’t see because you’re focus was on that wall (the past) Yes I said… HAHA well this is a great exercise to get people to realise that in order to be fully present, and be walking directly into our future – We need to be facing it. Not have our back turned to it, looking back into the past.

Wonderful! Bringing my focus back I was pondering this. She also said “there are no rules with this one, but remember that as you are facing forward, walking into your future from the present moment, you CAN stop and look back. But what’s important is that we don’t continually turn our backs on the future”. We may stop to look, reflect and then return as we continue to move forward.

Something I wanted to share with you today. Simple yet, so powerful. Sometimes acting our things physically is a great reminder for how we are walking our life paths.

As human’s it’s hard not to spend time reflecting and pondering our past happenings. Indeed it is too easy to be caught with our backs to the future. Often rendering opportunities to go amiss. As I say this I am reminded of a friend, who has recently said that an opportunity missed will surely realign again. It will come around again, and next time we will be better prepared to embrace it if we are facing forwards.


There is tremendous energy in the air today – The sun is shining, and I am pondering life as always. Enjoy my space in the here and now, and appreciating all the pieces that are forming to create this next phase in my life.

I am doing my best to free myself from judgements. My own judgements. The hang ups and esteem issues I’ve faced my whole life.

Gender wise… I just cannot shake the uncomfortability of not expressing who I truly am. Yet when I think about a transition into this real me, my mind struggles to be OK with it. For so long I have fought and fought against the thought that being masculine and wanting to be a boy is something wrong. Something I was told repeatedly as I was growing up – wasn’t possible. Isn’t possible. The world doesn’t work that way…..

It’s such bullshit.

Really. It is. Most of the world is truly colorblind.

But yet I still just cannot bring myself to acknowledge that the changes I am about to make, will severely change how I see and interact with the world. I’m going to need a bigger lens case 😛

Gender-fluidity is me. I have always been just N#X. Just me…. no particular association. Although I’ve tried my hardest to be a woman… a girl… female what ever. I am pretty, I am gorgeous… heard it all before. I can be those things, and masculine too right? Oh grow your hair out keep it long, wear this make up, put these clothes on…. always up against someone else’s ideal. When all I have ever wanted is fucking cool androgynous hair, Muscles and a body of strength. confidence in being my sexual self… not some one else’s ideal. To be able to wear the clothes I drool over…. Wishing that was me, Wishing that was my body. But putting on the bra… keeping my clothes streamline….Thinking “If I wear this I’ll be more accepted”. Fuck your acceptance…. Society!

I’m so over it.

I can’t keep my back turned to a part of me, that even my friends knew was there. They’ve helped me to realise that actually people already see me as a mix between the two binary options.  It’s not that big a deal. If anything that is exactly what they love about me. I must learn to truly love myself in this way… for it makes me the most happiest.

But still after all of the social conditioning, 25 years of …. You’re a girl. It’s going to take some time to deconstruct these lies… – Yes physically female. But mentally.. I am both… I am just ME. I don’t want to be tied to any one thing…. I’ve always been fluid. Like water… I can meld into any shape… I hold form in the missions and purpose of my life, not on who I am in my gender or sexual identity. I am human… that is all. MY Gender or sexual identity does not define ALL that I am.

Peace peoples, xx


Keep loving please!




2 comments on “On the up.

  1. Cathie
    June 29, 2013

    It is so good to see that slowly, slowly slowly we are starting to see the way the binary (boy/girl) view of the world tortures some people. Wonderful, beautiful, unique people that have never, will never fit this model. The more courageous conversations we have about these things the more opening will occur for others to step onto their true path.

    I applaud you and your willingness to be vunerable…to say the unsaid…to remember you are love, you are loved and you are lover.

    It always amazes me when I say somehting that I think I have been hiding only to find out that those that love me had seen it all along…we trully are all connected.

    Thank you for the work that you are doing to uncover yourself so that I too may be uncovered. Keep these posts flowing ❤

    • One-in-Mind
      June 29, 2013

      Wow thank you for your response x you are so encouraging! I can’t believe how often people see things in us that we think are hidden due to perspective I guess. Or perhaps a resistance to just saying yes… that/this is me. Thank you for your work… it’s true… the lantern in the dark illuminates the path for others that follow.

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