A Ship to cross the Sea of Suffering

"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda

30 Days: A Letter To…Day#1

A Letter to... a best friend:

 

Dearest Julz, you have been one of my longest standing friends.

I wonder what you are doing now? No doubt wrapped up in a book, or studying. Looking after your gorgeous son.

It has been so amazing having you in my life, and getting to know yours. Being part of it, and watching it transform into something so beautiful. Your motherhood: Your healing journey. What has it been now? I met you when I was 15. I am now a week short of 25…TEN YEARS! Holy mackerel.

I guess a part of me is really unsure of what to say, or more than anything – What to say that accurately sums up how I feel about our relationship. It’s been a relationship that has taken many shapes and forms, and I still wish I had spent more time with you once Z was born. It’s amazing how bearing a child changes things. We promised each other in the beginning it wouldn’t, but as time passes and paths take their various turns in life it becomes inevitable. Even though we do our best!

You are one of those friends, who will always be part of my soul journey. No matter where we are in our lives, I feel that we would always hit it off, connecting again like we’d never been apart. That is a sign of true friendship.

A part of me mourns a closer connection to you, but accepts that we are on completely different paths and in age maturity there really is no comparison! My troubles are echoes of yours. And I know that frightens you. It frightens and excites me, that you can see a pattern in my life development…based on your own lived experiences. I feel blessed to have such a genuine individual on my side through these raw obstacles life keeps placing in front of us.

You are fantastically intelligent. I love your mind, even though I know it drives you crazy at times. Please never stop being you, you have come so far and I have seen you grow so much through asserting your space and identity in this world. Standing against the injustices against us as women. You are my role model. You are my favorite mind, and soul with whom to share my deepest thoughts, and life’s experiences. You’ve always been there to listen. Always had time and space for me in your life… although the same cannot be said from me. Regrettably.

I feel that I could have supported you better throughout your pregnancy with Z. But I know that it is something that just had to naturally occur. Having Jackie block my sight has been one of the most regrettable things in my life to date. But admittedly everything takes its natural course.

That time was hectic. And the pain that we went through after Bex took her life was just unbearable for me. It was as if our previous life together of just you and I seemingly vanished into a sandstorm of our grieving over this mutual friend, and the complexities of our networks at the time.  I lost touch as I spiraled away into the suicide cloud. Thankfully we were drawn back together through new life.

Z – The light of your life; the light of my life. Changed everything, again… and bought us ever more closer. Sharing the bonds of family.

The most precious gift you could give me, next to your friendship. Time and space within your life with Z. The most sensitive, and talented boy I’ve met. I laugh when I think of just how smart this little cookie is. Paired with your mothering and conscientious care and love he is destined for great things, and of astounding depth and thought.

There are always so many things I wish to say to you Julz, but alas time permits and the natural ebb and flow of life itself keeps us at bay, till next time. My wonderful friend.

Know I’ll have a special place in my heart for you always, x

Till next time,

Arohanui Ataahua

XxO

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This entry was posted on June 10, 2013 by in Blogging, Love and tagged , , , , , , , .
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