A Ship to cross the Sea of Suffering

"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda

10 Day Challenge. Part 1

Ok so part one of the 10 day blogging challenge begins now.

Ten things I want to say to TEN different people right now:

I have to admit that this is surely one exercise, I’d do again. It may get juicy, so hold onto your seats ladies and gentlemen. xx One paragraph per person as follows…

1 – Hey Granddad 🙂 I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you terribly. It’s been six years since your passing. But you know what? I have come to feel that I know you better even though you are not here. I’ve had time to look back and truly appreciate what role you played during my childhood – One of the only shiny memories of being young is spending time at your house. Thank you for your smile and sparkling eyes. Thank you for your Scottish self and whistling spirit. I’m sorry for being unable to handle you beating me at scrabble – I think that if we played now it would be a more even playing field ;-P Love Bam Bam

2 – Mother Dearest. Thanks for bringing me into this world. At first I cursed you, this world was not kind in my formative years. It has taken a long time, but I am glad to have let you back into my life. The truth is; I just wish I could reverse the pain and trials you endure even though I know those building blocks are good for you. Every day I am working on building myself into ‘somebody’ so that I can give my all to you when you need it. You gave me the gift of life. Now I must truly live it.

3 – Dad. You’re a man of few words but no doubt capable of boundless emotion and resilience. I wish I knew you better. I wish you were willing to build and maintain better relationships with your children. You are always there, I guess that is all that matters. You have been my safety net. Something I’ll never forget is your effort at visiting me every wednesday during the darkest of my days. Your presence, slap on the back and prompt for food is firmly engrained into my mind. I have forged a debt of gratitude I may never be able to repay! I will live and love, and keep my head above water. There is actually so much I want to say…

4 –  Star. Things are tough right now but I am sure we will make it through, in what ever shape or form. Our paths were always destined to sway. I just hope we make it out, still as friends and with absolute love and respect for our individual paths. Love is patient, but at times not kind. Our fate dancing always across my mind. Arohanui Ataahua.

5- Dion. There are so many things my enraged self wants to say. But you don’t deserve my words. Your actions have impacted and changed everything. I am not ready to be grateful for that yet… You are in a box I am unwilling to open. My anger wants to take over…. F U

6- TR. I am at a loss now that our connection appears severed. I feel quite hurt, and you have lost my trust because of your lack of communication. As a ‘professional’ I guess I expected more from you. But now I am split in two. I understand that life is chaotic for you. I think you are an amazing person, and hugely influential to my understanding of gender, sexuality and polyamory. I feel that the ground we made in therapy has now gone… I just don’t know if there is anyone AS awesome as you that could fill this terrible hole in my heart…I don’t know why I let you in from the start.

7- SJO. Thank you for being you. I think meeting you has been such an eye opener and life changer,  I really hope we can develop our friendship over time. There is actually so much I want to say to you…. but because I know my intensity is unsettling so I want to leave the ball in your court. Anyway! You are one of the most genuine, and inspirational people I’ve met.

8- Cathie. You made it to the list! Because in all honesty your open heart has been so comforting. You are one of the best teachers I have ever met. The way that you support your students is phenomenal. I think that without you behind me last year, I don’t think I would have stuck to it. The power of one is mighty! Meeting you holds so much value to my life here in this city. Even though we are at different stages… I hope we can continue traveling together.

9- Vikki. You are a superstar in the Buddhist realm. I love our time together chanting, and talking about the complexities of life. In such a short time of knowing you, I have been most taken by your spirit and dedication to supporting people along their journey. It was YOU who I remember most, when we first moved to this city. You were the only one making a tremendous effort to see us settled, and continuing our practice. Thank for ALL of your resources. Wisdom, courage and guidance.

10- Dave *childhood abuser* I left you till last because, of all perhaps you are the most significant. What you did to me was not OK. I am working through my forgiveness. I can start raving about the impact you have had on my WHOLE life!? But what I truly want to acknowledge, is that you weren’t born an abuser. I understand that. And even though there has been so much confusion and pain – much of which I am still digging up, without the hurt and situation you put me through I would not be standing here today realising that my purpose is to help others who have suffered like me. I do not condone what you did to me… But I have gratitude for you being one of my strongest enemies. You have been a whirlwind of suffering, but of great growth and power. I find value in my trauma, and hope that you are getting better. Please don’t do that to anyone else, ever again.

OK so there it is, Blogging challenge PART ONE COMPLETE!

It’s been a tough but interesting way to address people in your life. I have so many more that I could add to this. Including celebrities and history makers who I would love to acknowledge. But there you have it….. Ten people, ten statements…

Now it’s your turn!

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One comment on “10 Day Challenge. Part 1

  1. Joycelyn
    June 2, 2013

    You are one honest and brave soul! I admire it!

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This entry was posted on May 30, 2013 by in Blogging, Challenge and tagged , , , , , , , , .
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