"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda
Well it’s been a few days now since I have managed to conjure up the motivation/Inspiration to write anything decent.
Although there are lots of fabulous, and positive things happening in my life,I have still been feeling really challenged. Full of doubt in my personal life.
It’s a strange thing when you are struggling with that inner darkness, because no one knows it’s there, it just is. And we live with it. Sharing the high’s and the low’s….And hoping for high’s more often.
I don’t really have anything to feel low for. I have a house, warmth, food, water, a job, car and loving spouse. I’ve heard this before.
And I do sit with deep gratitude and appreciation for all of the benefit and treasures I have accumulated. My very life itself, is the highest gift of all… of which I am very thankful for.
But it’s that niggling human revolution – transformation of karma, forgiving what has been done that you still haven’t looked at – That keeps eating at you with, suffering.
I have come a very long way, from where I was. So that indeed, is something to be celebrated in itself. But as always human growth is essential, so I must keep walking forth to tackle the things that create who I am. Tussle with what I really believe, And keep strengthening my adversity.
I need to keep chanting. And find some friends to do it with!
Next week, I am due to give an experience on my time with the Choose project, and I am just totally freaking out about it.
Feeling like running away, hiding, feeling that the other people who are giving experiences will be better! but I know that this is just my own negative thinking and I need to find some clarity and feel good about everything I have experienced.
Regardless of how I am feeling now!
I know that what ever it is, that I am fighting inside – It feels big and intimidating because I am on a good path. And i must overcome these feelings and thoughts, by replacing them with feelings of joy and total Victory.
Determinations for the foreseeable future:
I want to overcome my self doubt
I want to overcome my ability to fall into habits so easy
I want to always have a seeking, happy spirit greeting every life state with joy
I want to honor my body, mind and soul by living healthier. Exercise, and food changes!
I want to find the best SA counseling service possible. Or to find peace with the counselor I am seeing currently.
I want to save enough for a new computer and phone.
I want to get my drivers license as soon as possible, so that I can have a new car.
I want to have an overseas journey that is rejuvenating and mentally stimulating! No financial worries.
Making determinations is key to having focus on what you’re trying to achieve.
I’ll let you know how I go.
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