A Ship to cross the Sea of Suffering

"Real happiness is found in the struggles we undergo to realise our goals, in our efforts to move forward." Daisaku Ikeda

Transforming Karma

It’s always inevitable that once you have completed goals, and determinations – Received your Victory. That the blue hits you.

I always find that after big production’s and industry work there is this deep lull that follows. The come down. After so much energy and effort poured into one stream of focus, only to feel lost once you reach the end. Time to replenish my energy, and life force through chanting more. Realigning my determinations for the next phase.

Feeling proud and reflecting, but completely drained too. My mind racing onto what’s next. Re-shifting my focus to some of the big things coming. Starting a new job, with a great woman who is also part of our Buddhist movement. And secondly, starting a long journey of Sexual abuse counseling. Of which I’ve been on the waiting list for, the last 7 months.

I have been wanting to work through some of my past suffering in order to be free in the present, and allow me to dream into the future without any hang-ups. To restore my health, and live in my own full potential.

I am amazed at how perfect things seem. It’s true that when you clearly determine what you want, that some how the universe/Mystic Law is able to find the right timing for such determinations to manifest. Even when you feel that these big transformations in life just don’t seem to fit, with where your head is: They do. And when you greet them with joy, instead of fear and doubt, the transformation process is cut in half. But these attitudes and life states take time to harness and understand. I am still barely grasping the profundity of this practice.

It has been such an amazing process throughout the choose project, shifting so much fixed karma, and transforming some of the poison I carry into medicine. Focusing on true self value. Reflecting on how the Mystic law is just truly wonderful, and how thankful I am to be given this appointment at such a time. Albeit having waited for 7 months, almost giving up on the appointment to come through. Thoughts of doubt entering my mind – “Do i need this? Is my story not valid enough? Is what happened to me just a thing of the past, ? Should I just let it go….”.

My first true experience, now knowing one hundred percent, that this is the path that I must walk. As far removed as it feels at this moment, I have a chance to truly transform what has happened to me in my this lifetime, into true value. True purpose and understanding. *fingers crossed* complete forgiveness, and a re-birthing into someone strengthened by the scars of the past.

Being offered my initial appointment on the first day of the Choose school tour. Seems mystical, Benefit number one: Starting a healing journey through a project focussed on transforming passive violence, physical violence into non violent resistance. Treating yourself, and others with respect.  True benefit from achieving success related to SGI activities.

I have therapy today. Session two of this counseling journey: feeling nervous, and very vulnerable but open to sitting with this lower life state.

“One cannot expect to become happy without hardship or effort. Because we challenge ourselves we become strong. To become strong is to become happy.” – Daisaku Ikeda

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This entry was posted on March 3, 2013 by in Turning poison into medicine and tagged , , , .

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